The Circle of Life

Well its been a couple of weeks since I updated my blog, and I can't put it off any longer. I have effectively stayed the same for 2 weeks - I lost 1lb and gained it back the next week.

August was always going to be tricky, as I seem to have had a lot of events. I was at my pals sons christening 2 Saturdays ago, I was at my Boss's wedding on Saturday there and I am going to a funeral tomorrow - husbands aunt. I have pictures from the Christening and the wedding that I was intending to put on this blog, but I am such a techno-phobe I need my hubby's help to do all that - so these will come soon.

But most importantly, I am to be an Auntie for the very first time. My wee sister (aged 35 but will always be my wee sister) and my lovely brother in law are expecting their first baby in March 2010. They have just had the 12 week scan so I am officially allowed to blab. Hooooorrrrrraaaaaayyyyyyyyy. I've known for about 5 or 6 weeks but was sworn to secrecy.

I have really mixed emotions about this. My beautiful Mum died 4 years ago, so never lived to see a grandchild. My Mum's death led to an estrangement from my Dad for both my sister and I (too hurtful even now 4 years on to write about) so my Dad won't know he will be a Grandpa. And lastly, my brother in law is in the Army and so they live in Belgium - and I hate that distance at the best of times but especially now. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago at 11 weeks, so I have a bit of a pang over what might have been for myself and my hubby too - it's just never happened for us and I have never investigated this - yet! I am also 38 and aware that time is ticking on - but I just can't face the emotional side of starting the ball rolling with doctors & tests etc. I am such a coward really. Even typing this, I am tempted to hit the back button and erase a lot of this message, but maybe its time I was honest - even if no-one reads this blog I suppose I have "put this out there" instead of internalising like I always do.

The over-riding emotion though is joy and I can't wait to meet my new niece or nephew. I just selfishly want to put my sister in my pocket so I can be a part of it all. When it comes to family we are all each other has got to rely on - excluding our respective OH's of course.

I have pulled my WW finger out this week and am pointing and exercising, so hope to see a return on that when I get to the scales on Saturday. We'll see. I have just over 9 weeks till I go on holiday and I am really trying to focus on that for now. I have one (aged) summer dress that I still can't zip up, and even if I don't take it on holiday with me, I at least want it to fit so that it is not discarded from being packed due to a size issue.

Be excellent everyone!!